Edition #39: Twenty Eight Pieces of Unsolicited Advice

A birthday gift to myself, plus a personality quiz and the world's happiest music video

Sep 03, 2020

A Note From the Editor

I’ve always loved my birthday. As a kid, I would enter the house holding my breath for the entire week leading up to my birthday, my little fists clenched at my sides in anticipation of a darkened room, imagining my friends and family crouched lazily behind the couches, awaiting the opportunity to pop out and yell SURPRISE! Though the imagined surprise party never came to fruition, my birthday was always acknowledged and celebrated, a fact that I find extra special being that I was one of seven children.

For five years in a row, my birthday party would take place at McDonald’s, where much to my delight, they would hide sealed packets of Hamburgular cookies in the ball pit (a horrifying prospect now, but pure glee for an aggressive seven-year-old). When I outgrew the golden arches, my parties graduated to our house. I’d spend weeks gleefully scribbling out invitations as my older sister went out of her way to make sure the crop of little girls would be properly entertained for the party’s three-hour duration: homemade body glitter in baby food jars, a hand-drawn pin-the-tail on the mermaid game, a perfectly curated playlist on a burnt CD. The presents and activities and music were never as significant as the fact that I had a room full of people all there to celebrate me. Every year it was perfect, and every year it felt like a small miracle. It still does.

Do you ever think about what it was like before you were here? To realize there was a point in time when your mother carried the heft of you strapped to her abdomen for nine long months? The back muscles she must have developed to counterbalance the weight of your mass, the strangers who would inevitably comment on her protruding belly, asking “how far along are you?”. She would be counting down the days until your arrival, sharing the guesswork of your future birthday with these curious onlookers, and for a moment the two of them would silently celebrate you, this little unborn thing, together.

The day you finally decided to be born, people would be waiting for you, some gathered at the hospital while others waited at home, anxious to hear the news that you’d arrived safely. They wanted to know your sex, your weight, your length, your name. I love the story my mom tells of all four of my older siblings were sitting around while she went into labor, dying to find out whether I was a boy or a girl because my sex would determine whether my eldest brother or sister would get their own room (my sister won, and we’ve been the best of friends ever since).

I think I’ll always be a birthday person. If I ever have children, I want them to feel as loved and exhilarated and humbled as I do every year on September 4th (which, I’m obligated to point out by law, also happens to be Beyonce’s birthday). Though year will be the first in a few where I’m not surrounded by a handful of my closest friends, and though I’m scrutinizing every fine line that blossoms around my crinkly smile and Googling whether one should consider Botox before 30, I am still very grateful to have lived through another tumultuous, bewitching year on this planet.

Cheers, my dears, and thank you for reading. I’m doing things a little differently this week, so indulge me in honor of my birthday. If you have a birthday coming up or recently passed, I’m wishing you the happiest of birthdays. I’d love to hear your favorite birthday memory or tradition in the comments below.

Twenty-Eight Pieces of Unsolicited Advice

In honor of my twenty-eight year of living, I bring to you my favorite pastime: doling out unsolicited advice to a half-interested audience.

Make campaign calls at least once in your life. It’s not as scary as you think and it will be eye-opening in ways impossible to describe. If you don't feel strongly about a presidential candidate, you can adopt a state and make calls for a Senate or House race.
Take off your makeup with cold cream. Every older woman with flawless skin, from Elizabeth Warren to my late grandmother, swears by it.
When you start a project, commit to it for at least six months, then reassess. During those six months, give it your best effort.
Keep a happiness folder on your phone or in your inbox where you store emails, notes, and texts that bring you joy. Revisit it when you're feeling discouraged or down.
If you are able, start budgeting donation money into your monthly expenses and treat it the same way you would a Spotify subscription. Set a reminder on your phone for the first of every month so you don’t forget. Donate to a nonprofit, a political campaign, or any other cause you care about. Remember, your wallet is one of your greatest forms of protest.
On that note, pay for the content you care about(!!!) because journalism is a dying art form. Subscribe to your favorite news outlet and pay the $5/month or $50/year instead of using a hundred different incognito windows to read their stories, and consider switching to the paid version of your favorite newsletter. Again, treat these expenses the same way you would a Netflix subscription.
Join a neighborhood mutual aid network, because hate can be more easily weeded out when we start to see our neighbors as real people worth helping. You'll feel more connected to where you live than you ever have.
Try to wait at least five seconds before responding in a conversation. You’ll be surprised by all of the additional words that spill out of your conversational partner when you don’t rush to fill the silence.
Buy a Hydroflask with a straw top. You will be guaranteed to drink more water with minimal effort involved.
Write a letter to yourself at the start of every year, put it away, and read it on New Years Day of the following year. (See “perhaps you should” from this addition for further details).
When budgeting for a trip, start paying off the total cost at the time of booking. Aim to have all fixed costs (airline tickets, hotels, excursions, etc.) paid off before you travel so that you only have to worry about spending money while you’re there. This method makes traveling feel much more affordable, and in turn, more attainable.
If you are able, take a family member on a trip with you. Help pay for it, take them somewhere they've never been. Opening up someone else's world is one of the most extraordinary things you can do for another person.
Always cook eggs on low heat.
Don't be married to a version of your friends that you have cultivated in your mind based on a shared past. Create opportunities for them to surprise you with their intellect, talents, and wit. Some good options for doing this are: starting a book club, sending an article to read, then discuss together, asking questions like "where do you want to be in five years?" You’ll be amazed at the things you uncover about the people you thought you knew everything about.
Learn how to eat less meat. Find a couple of meals you can enjoy without meat and work them into your regular rotation (I love this recipe and this one).
Do not overestimate your alcohol tolerance while visiting a foreign country.
When asking yourself, "should I CC this person's boss in my email?", wait an hour before making the decision. Usually, the allotted time will give you space to cool off and realize that no, you should not CC this person’s boss in your email.
Make a habit of asking people “what was your favorite part about today?” Ask yourself the same question on a regular basis. You'll get some lovely answers and it'll make you realize how lucky you are to be alive.
Reach out to people you admire and tell them you love their work. At worst, they won’t reply. At best, you help them remember why they do what they do.
Buy your books from a place like Bookshop.org instead of Amazon, because there is something magical about spending an afternoon curled up in a chair at a real live bookshop (and Jeff Bezos doesn’t need your money as much as they do).
Treat your career more like dating and less like marriage. That is, don't feel bad when you don't marry the first job you take, or the second, or the third. It turns out specializing early isn’t as vital as we were taught.
Go to therapy. I repeat, go to therapy. I need it, you need it, your brother and lover and grandmother and uncle and best friend all need it. Consider it one of the best investments in yourself you will ever make.
When possible, try to remember that there are real people behind every political inclination. Regular people, who came from regular backgrounds. Do your best to approach these people with empathy.
Try to shorten the time between an idea blossoming in your mind and taking action on the idea. Too many grand schemes live and die in our brains, and half the time the only thing holding us back is that we are too intimidated to start.
This may sound stupidly obvious, but if consuming a particular food makes your body like a dumpster fire, stop consuming it. You might be sad at first, but ultimately you'll feel ten trillion times better.
Don't succumb to the false belief that you are "bad at keeping up with people." If there are people you care about keeping up with, make doing so a priority.
If you’re not a football fan, opt to watch every Thanksgiving-themed episode of Friends and/or Gossip Girl on Thanksgiving day instead. The best two episodes to start you off are this one and this one.
Send people cards by mail, even after supporting USPS becomes less trendy. There’s nothing quite like receiving a handwritten card.

This birthday list was inspired by this superb piece by Kevin Kelly, which I’ve shared before but is always worth another visit.

Perhaps You Should…
Take This Personality Test

Continuing with the theme of “it’s my party and I’ll fill this edition with silly content if I want to,” might I suggest this fun and accurate personality test? Call me a sucker, but I love a good test that re-affirms the things I already believe about myself. Last time I took this one I was a Commander, and I’d love to hear what result you get.

Bonus Content (Guaranteed to Make You Smile)

I promise you wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times I’ve watched this music video, the epitome of pure unadulterated joy. Watching it makes my cheeks cramp from smiling so hard, and if you watch it through the end you'll notice a special surprise guest in a very cute outfit!

A Quote From A Book You Should Read:

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

This newsletter is best served with a side of conversation, so drop your opinions, reflections, and thoughts in the comments below and let’s get to talking.

that's so interesting

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