Edition #173: Thirty Two Pieces of Unsolicited Advice

My favorite birthday tradition on the internet. Plus, an exceptional music video and some solid Virgo content.

Aug 29, 2024

A Note From the Editor

When recounting a story to a dear friend the other day, I mentioned how I used to pray that I would become shy. I was around 10 or 11 years old at the time, still ruled more by impulse than fear of judgment. I didn’t yet understand the art of smoothing out my edges and so I often got in trouble—at school, at dance, and occasionally, at home. My infractions were mostly minor but their cumulative effect was enough to brandish me as a bad influence in the eyes of certain adults. I believed I was bad and I didn’t want to be, so I would ask God every evening to change me into something more palatable.

I’ve periodically yearned for other phantom selves over the years, those imagined versions of self whom I would never be. I wished to be the carefree, husband-hunting sorority girl; the girl who returned to the small town she once adored to buy a house, get married, and watch sports good-naturedly with her husband. Today, just six days out from my 32nd birthday, I am closing the door on those phantom selves; they were an escape I no longer yearn for. I’d much rather be right here.

In the spirit of embracing my true, baddie nature, I bring you my favorite birthday pastime; doling out unsolicited advice.

To make something more elegant—an outfit, a room, a conversational point—subtract rather than add.
When sending a birthday card in the mail, add a couple stray dollar bills to the envelope. It adds an extra dose of playfulness for the receiver.
Always order the spicy scallop roll at sushi. Just trust me.
After grocery shopping, remove all the packaging from your items as you put them away. Cut the plastic seal from the spices, open the sealed tab on the maple syrup, etc. It’s a small thing that you’ll appreciate later.
Use the song credit function on Spotify, especially when you’re feeling discouraged about your creative progress. It takes a village!
Challenge yourself to have one headphone-free day per week. Going into the wild without headphones opens you to your surroundings and to chance encounters.
If you find an item you like from a specific designer while online shopping, try finding the designer’s site and buy the item from there. The price will either be better or the same and the designer will get more profit for their work.
When having people over for dinner, put out a bowl of good potato chips, some shelled pistachios, and crudités. It’s a low lift way to whet the palette, and everybody love an excuse to eat potato chips.
Learn to learn smarter. When trying to cultivate a new skill, start by seeking help. Get a book on the subject matter, watch tutorials, take a course. This will save you time in the long run and will teach you to practice properly, which makes for a far less frustrating learning process.
If you’re an active person with lots of muscle tension, keep a tennis ball and yoga mat handy. Lying on your back on a tennis ball and rolling it around is a simple way to get relief from those small, concentrated knots that foam rollers can’t touch.
Commit a poem to memory. Learn it by heart, recite it to yourself and to others, feel the weight of the words on your tongue. It’s a meditation on art and life.
Order your next condolence dish from Etsy instead of one of the big wigs. It’s a nice way to support small businesses, and there are so many delicious-looking options.
Two super useful tools when traveling abroad: E-Sim, which is significantly more affordable than your phone’s daily international pass, and remote VPN, which allows you to browse all the sites and streaming services from your native country. I use Maya Mobile and NordVPN.
If you’re resistant to something—a task, a conversation, a daily practice—pay close attention to what is canceled in your avoidance.
The cheapest class of airplane ticket is rarely worth the savings. Spend the extra $40, especially because plans might change and the cheap tickets rarely offer flight credit refunds.
Build a moment of transcendence into your daily routine. It will feel forced at first, but eventually, it becomes a habit that can make a real difference in the way you operate. Before I look at my phone each morning, I listen to a five-minute body scan meditation to get in touch with what’s going on inside of me, and I end each day with a brain dump—not formal journaling, but a stream of conscious scribbling to clear the noise out of my head before sleeping.
Each time you fly, track the time it takes to get to the gate in a note on your phone. That way, you have data about how early you should arrive at the airport rather than having to guess each time.
When you’ve grown tired of your own bullshit—by that I mean you feel angry, irritated, or annoyed with patterns you continue to recognize—rejoice! This is the first step in affecting lasting change.
If you’re an American who travels often and doesn’t speak another language, train yourself on the widely-used global systems—military time, Celsius, and the metric system. It’s no substitute for speaking the native tongue of a place, but it does make adapting a bit easier. (For military time, remove the tens digit of the hour, then subtract two, i.e. 17:00 = 7, minus 2 is 5pm. 19:00 = 9, minus 2 is 7pm. For Celsius, double the number and add 28, which gives you the rough equivalent in Fahrenheit).
Know the difference between motion and action. Catch yourself when you’re in motion and figure out how to pivot into action mode. Thinking less is usually a helpful first step.
When you find an item you don’t like while shopping, identify what you don’t like about it—i.e. the neckline of a blouse, the round toe of a boot, etc. Take note of these details, that way you can have a broader knowledge of the shapes and styles that do and don’t work for you in the future.
Whenever possible, try to let go of the narratives you’ve crafted about the people in your life. Coming into an interaction from a more neutral standpoint allows you to see what is actually there versus what you’re looking for.
If you come across a greeting card that evokes a reaction, buy it! You can always find an occasion to use it later on.
Always watch the latest Pixar movies, even if you don’t have kids. They’re a good gauge of what topics are permeating the culture and you’ll be in the loop with what little ones are learning about and experiencing.
When touring a potential new home, check the shower temperature and water pressure during your walk-through and show up during rush hour to gauge the worst of the street noise.
Think about your “out”—that fictitious, far-off scenario/your eject button plan that brings you great comfort. Maybe it’s living on a farm and growing all your own food or traveling the world making documentaries. Whatever that out is is what you should be doing or working towards.
When purchasing random tidbits from Amazon, pause before you buy and imagine the item sitting in a landfill. If this scenario seems likely, sit on the purchase and check back to see if you still feel like you need the item a few days later.
Never say no to looking at the dessert menu.
Don’t take the airport moving walkway if you aren’t in a rush. Small habits, like taking more steps and not being constantly in a hurry, are simple ways to take care of your body and mind.
Make it a habit to ask your mom how she’s doing before you start talking about yourself.
When considering a geographical move, take the Love Island philosophy to heart—test the connection! The place you left will always be there. If you try somewhere else and dislike it, your appreciation for the original place will only be strengthened.
Life moves at the pace it moves. Always stay for the exhale.

Cheers, my dears, and as always, thanks for reading! As I wrote this, I overheard a little girl tell a gardener that her birthday was coming up on September 4th—same, and same.

Have a wonderful weekend! I’ll be celebrating my birthday upstate at a zen house with a bunch of sweet friends. We’re going to eat lots of good food, swim in a lake, have a little dance party, and play games. You should do the same!

Thanks for coming to my fifth annual (!!!) birthday edition. For past birthday lists, see 28, 29, 30, and 31.

Perhaps You Should…Watch This Music Video

Probably the most beautiful music video of the last decade, and also an absolute banger.

Bonus Content (iTs ViRgO SeAsON)

Very correct, bur also, VERY, very correct!

A Quote From A Book You Should Read:

“And when she walked off the set with tears in her eyes, she was smiling, because when it came down to it, she was exactly who she’d hoped she’d be.”

-Chain Gang All Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

that's so interesting

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