Edition #150: Thirty One Pieces of Unsolicited Advice
Happy early birthday to me. Plus, a must-watch mini series and a vibey playlist.
A Note From the Editor
Those who have been following this newsletter for the past few years will know that this annual birthday edition is one of my favorites to write, just as this time of year is one of my favorites to live through. Having a birthday that sometimes falls on Labor Day, as it does this year, means everyone is in high spirits. A long weekend, the unofficial start of fall, a break from the heat, and for those in school, a return to regularly scheduled programming. If summer stands for long days and endless, unstructured freedom, fall is its bookish cousin—more regimented, less flashy; a case of freshly sharpened pencils and a pressed blouse laid out the night before.
As much as I appreciate freedom and spontaneity, I am at my best when I feel grounded; rooted in a routine that still leaves room for the unexpected. The past year has been a period of fluctuation—I’ve spent it in Costa Rica, New York, and LA with various trips in between. All this movement might sound chaotic and at times, it was, but I learned how to be adaptable. I found new routines in my new, temporary homes, many of which served me even better than the routines I’d established in New York, which were always focused on productivity and never on feeling good. It’s been a year of searching for a version of life that is best suited to me, not to what I’ve assumed others expected of me. At times, I’ve felt like I was floating alone in space. Mostly, I’ve felt really good. I’ve found a home in myself, a comfort in my own skin. That, I think, only comes with time. I’m never very sad to grow older, because I love growing wiser.
I’ve always been big on celebrating my birthday but for some reason this year, I wasn’t craving some massive gathering or group trip. Instead, I wanted comfort. A few close friends, ease, indulgence. Monday is my birthday and I still haven’t actually made any plans, but I’ve got a few ideas. I want to spend the day doing things I love—eating a big, fat bagel, walking through the park, getting a massage, being around people I love. And wondering, as I do every year, how my birthday twin is celebrating her special day.
In the spirit of celebrations I present to you one of my favorite past times: Doling out unsolicited advice.
When reheating an old bagel, wrap it in a damp paper towel before sticking it in the microwave. The paper towel helps it retain moisture so it’ll still be edible and not rock hard.
Never skip the acknowledgements page of a novel, because the final line of an acknowledgement page is always the most tender, heartfelt thing you’ll read. Go test it out right now for proof.
Keep snail eye patches in your fridge. Perfect for those mornings you need to depuff or for anytime you just feel like pretending you’re at a spa.
On that note, trade in your ice roller for a good old fashioned ice cube—this shape works best. Simply wrap the end of the cube in a washcloth and rub the other end all over your face first thing in the morning. It’s perfect for depuffing and closing your pores, plus the chill will help wake you up.
Have a bottle of olive leaf extract on hand and take two droppers full of it when you feel like you’re getting sick. During this past month of nonstop travel, I woke up with the start of a sore throat on three different occasions and this stuff always saved the day.
In our consumer-obsessed world, it’s easy to react to life’s stresses by buying more stuff—I always joke that the only time I frantically make lists of items I “need to buy” is when I’m navigating a period of uncertainty. Instead of following that impulse, take a breath, read this book, realize we need far less than we have. Focus on simplifying your life. A wise man once said, “Everything you buy makes everything you own less valuable.”
When traveling, leave a secret note for someone who will eventually be in that place, too. Even if they won’t find the note for years, they’ll be delighted when they do.
Life moves really fast, especially if we’re not moving with intention. The only way to actively slow things down is to cultivate mindfulness. An easy way to start is by bookending each day with a prayer and intention. This doesn’t need to be a secular prayer of any sort, it’s just a slowed-down moment of acknowledgment. Each morning before you do anything else, close your eyes and say thank you for another day, then set an intention for the day ahead. It can be anything—to be kind to yourself, to be generous with your energy, or even just to notice your negative thoughts. At the end of the day just before bed, say a prayer and see if you can recall the intention you set that morning. You’ll be surprised by how quickly you forget it, but the action itself begins to form a habit of rooting you back in the present
Have a pack of tea candles at home at all times. Great for sprucing up a the table at a dinner party or for setting a witchy vibe if the power goes out.
Get yourself a JBL speaker, especially if you’ve been listening to music exclusively through your iPhone or AirPods. Your music will sound totally different and you’ll wonder why no one suggested this to you sooner.
Figure out your attachment style and use it to create more empathy for yourself. Remember, your reactions aren’t inherently “you,” they’re a cumulation of what you went through as a child. Everything is changeable—self awareness is the first step.
Reverse your work week! I know not everyone has this flexibility but if you do, give it a try. On Monday’s I feel fresh, rested, and at my best. Instead of going into the morning with a big to-do list, I like to leave space for a slow-paced morning, which often begets creativity. Knowing this, I like to use Friday as my heavy work day instead of Monday. When I’m feeling extra zealous, I’ll get some work done in those random afternoon hours over the weekend, too. It makes me feel like I’m hacking the system and buying myself back time during the upcoming week.
When having people over for dinner, skip the fancy appetizers and put out a bowl of chips instead. Sounds crazy simple, but everyone loves chips and the simplicity of the task gives you more mental space to focus on dinner.
That being said, when you’re having people over, always put a snack out before out before serving dinner. Always.
If, like me, you have big feelings that come on in strong waves, practice the technique: Feel it, let it pass through you, pause (the critical part), then act. I often react to emotionally charged situations by taking action right in that moment, so now I try to remember to pause before acting. Do you really need to send that note today, put down that deposit, etc.? Urgency is often just fear disguised as productivity.
When you’re feeling stuck in your routine and craving a bit of wanderlust, go on Airbnb and browse listings from all over the world. Create a saved list of the places that look especially compelling, and use that list as a guide next time you’re planning a vacation.
On that note, try out intuitive travel, because the world is massive and there are cooler places out there than Mykonos. How to do this: Think about what you’re looking for on this trip. Maybe you want to be in a village in France that is walkable and close to water, maybe you want to learn to surf and eat really delicious food. Use those very-specific-to-you qualifiers as you begin your research. Check Quora and Reddit, look at maps of countries you’ve wanted to visit and zoom in to read the names of all the smaller towns you might’ve otherwise glazed over. When you find a place that clicks somewhere in your body/mind, that’s your place. I’ve been traveling this way for a few years now, and it’s led me to some of the most incredible corners of the world.
Two bananas (per banana-eating person in your household) is the most you should ever buy during one grocery trip. Any more than this and you’ll end up with spotty brown bananas that either need to be frozen, baked into banana bread, or tossed in the trash.
Attend a Fringe Festival. This one if you’re in Europe, this one for North America. In a world where our entertainment is defined by recycled narratives, it is incredibly refreshing to be in an environment where art is created for art’s sake.
Treat the backs of your hands like your face. Meaning, rub all the excess product you use on your face onto the backs of your hands. Hyaluronic acid, vitamin C, retinol, all of it!
Put your money into a high yield savings account. I am so mad I didn’t know about this before this year, especially as a freelancer who puts aside 38% of every check to pay taxes at the end of the year. I use Marcus, which yields about a 4.3% return each year. It works like this: say you put in $10,000. At a 4.3% annual return, you’d make $430 on your money that year, paid out each month (around $35 a month). The interest compounds, there are no minimums or fees associated with opening an account, and it’s super easy to move money from your traditional bank to this account.
Note: if you actually open a Marcus account, use this referral offer to get 5.3% back on your money for the first three months. I don’t work for this bank or anything, it’s just a seriously smart move if you have money sitting in a traditional savings account.A day or two before flying, purchase your favorite snacks from the grocery store to eat on the plane. My secret formula is a bag of beef jerky for protein, dried apricots for a bit of sweetness without the refined sugar crash, and a little bag of chips for joy. Bring your own meals on the plane, too, because nothing is worse than a gross, soggy $20 airport sandwich. Adopt this habit instead.
For my fellow night time tea drinkers; travel with a box of your favorite tea. It’s the perfect way to wind-down and helps to get you on a normal sleeping schedule when you’re out of your routine.
If you ever surf on a longer board and need to turtle roll, actively relax your hamstrings as you do it. Clenching up only makes it harder and expels more precious energy needed to paddle.
Your physical location plays a major role in your mental state. If you don’t like where you live and you are able, move to a place that feels more aligned with the things you value and watch the healing magic unfold.
Splurge on a fancy tube of hand cream. It’s worth it, especially if you have dry little lizard hands like I do.
Go to therapy! Obviously, right? But it isn’t so easy if you’re self employed in America. I’d been wanting to work with a therapist on a specific issue for some time, but my self-funded healthcare has no mental health benefits. I finally caved and started using BetterHelp. I like it because you can schedule your sessions at any time once per week, and you can try therapists out until you find the right one. I also liked that the intake questionnaire was super personalized, which made me feel like I was getting a more suited match. The caveat here is that they’re probably selling my data, but who isn’t these days? I love my therapist and it is well worth the price for me.
Never eat the first pancake off the griddle. It’s the test pancake and it’s probably overcooked.
Make a habit of saving your glass jars. You can easily remove the ugly labels and suddenly, you’ll have a collection of cutie little jars to work with. I like to store all of my snacks, baking supplies, and dry goods in jars, which makes my pantry look superior. You can save leftovers in wide-brimmed glass jars, stick a few fresh flowers in a jar as a vase, or use a glass jar to make a drink or a jam for a friend. The possibilities are endless!
Buy yourself nice jewelry. Every time you’re tempted to spend $20 on a crappy ring that turns your skin green, save that money and buy one nice item you’ll never need to take off. I love this brand for staple 14k gold pieces. The have one sale a year during Black Friday when everything is typically 20% off.
Embrace the concept of amor fati, the sophisticated older sibling of “Everything happens for a reason!”
Cheers, my dears, and as always, thanks for reading. This annual birthday list tradition was inspired by a similar list from one of my favorite creative minds, Kevin Kelly. For past editions for my birthday list, see here: 28, 29, and 30.
I hope you have a beautiful long weekend! Please eat a massive slice of cake on my behalf. Frolic in a field! Get a facial!
Perhaps You Should…Binge This Mini Series
I’ve been stuck in Florida for a few extra days thanks to the hurricane, which wasn’t so bad because me and my sister got to finish all ten episodes of this mini series. This show hit all the marks for me—it’s dark, funny, the character development is superb, and it unfolded with the effortlessness of a well-written novel. I’ve never wanted to go to Dublin more. So many beautiful shots! Such stellar lighting! Highly recommend.
**Bonus Content** (Virgo Season, Baby!)
Hot damn, it is literally me! And if your zodiac sign isn’t included in that post, here’s the other half.
Also, I love this simple conversation starter, out here always just saying stuff, and a playlist of songs from James Baldwin’s record collection.
A Quote From A Book You Should Read:
“When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know.
"Oh, sure you know," the photographer said.
"She wants," said Jay Cee wittily, "to be everything.”
-The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
This newsletter is best served with a side of conversation, so drop your opinions, reflections, and thoughts in the comments below and let’s get to talking.
Or, share the most thought-provoking piece from today’s edition with someone you love, then call them up to discuss, debate, and percolate. As a wise woman once said, “Great minds discuss ideas.
Happy Birthday! Virgos are the BEST!