Hi Meghan - longtime reader, first-time commenter.
I wanted to draw your attention to some of your language here:
"when you begin dating both sexes" is kind of an awkward thing when the essay is allegedly against a narrow gendered lens! When you begin dating people who aren't men might be a more inclusive way to put it.
And this: "How do these nuanced dynamics manifest in same-sex relationships, or relationships involving one or more transgender persons, or gender-nonconforming person? Are these problems purely heteronormative?"
Seems to imply that trans people are, by definition, not heterosexual. Trans people are on the Kinsey scale too! I know a lot of bi/pan trans folks, but I also know trans folks who are 100% heterosexual. Trans people and "gender-nonconforming" (if you mean nonbinary, we tend to prefer nonbinary, although we are of course not a monolith and I don't speak for everyone who isn't cis).
Those two turns of phrase cast the essay, despite claiming to be about expanding ideas of gender, as believing in only two genders, both of which are cis. Those lines are very othering to trans and nonbinary readers, and I hope that that was not the intent.
I'm a nonbinary, bisexual femme who proposed to my asexual husband (I also have a girlfriend, who's bi). We don't fit in the rigid framework you've constructed, so I don't know if you want that data, but I offer it anyway.
I don't need a response here, we're all busy; I just wanted to point that out because I think you probably didn't intend it to come off that way and might want to course-correct in future! Hope you have a great day.
Thank you for being a long time reader but more importantly, thank you for your generous comment. I hadn’t considered how some of this language, particularly the “dating both genders”, plays directly into the narrowness I was attempting to challenge in this essay, though it seems painfully obvious to me now that you’ve pointed it out.
I also hadn’t considered how my wording offers an equally narrow view of trans people’s sexuality from a very CIS-centric POV. Though othering was most certainly not my intention, I can see now that much of this wording in this essay was lazy and inconsiderate.
I appreciate you pointing this out to me and sharing your experience, and I’m going to bear all of this in mind as I continue to explore these topics in the future. Thank you for being patient and kind in your explanations here!
Hi Meghan - longtime reader, first-time commenter.
I wanted to draw your attention to some of your language here:
"when you begin dating both sexes" is kind of an awkward thing when the essay is allegedly against a narrow gendered lens! When you begin dating people who aren't men might be a more inclusive way to put it.
And this: "How do these nuanced dynamics manifest in same-sex relationships, or relationships involving one or more transgender persons, or gender-nonconforming person? Are these problems purely heteronormative?"
Seems to imply that trans people are, by definition, not heterosexual. Trans people are on the Kinsey scale too! I know a lot of bi/pan trans folks, but I also know trans folks who are 100% heterosexual. Trans people and "gender-nonconforming" (if you mean nonbinary, we tend to prefer nonbinary, although we are of course not a monolith and I don't speak for everyone who isn't cis).
Those two turns of phrase cast the essay, despite claiming to be about expanding ideas of gender, as believing in only two genders, both of which are cis. Those lines are very othering to trans and nonbinary readers, and I hope that that was not the intent.
I'm a nonbinary, bisexual femme who proposed to my asexual husband (I also have a girlfriend, who's bi). We don't fit in the rigid framework you've constructed, so I don't know if you want that data, but I offer it anyway.
I don't need a response here, we're all busy; I just wanted to point that out because I think you probably didn't intend it to come off that way and might want to course-correct in future! Hope you have a great day.
Hi Silver,
Thank you for being a long time reader but more importantly, thank you for your generous comment. I hadn’t considered how some of this language, particularly the “dating both genders”, plays directly into the narrowness I was attempting to challenge in this essay, though it seems painfully obvious to me now that you’ve pointed it out.
I also hadn’t considered how my wording offers an equally narrow view of trans people’s sexuality from a very CIS-centric POV. Though othering was most certainly not my intention, I can see now that much of this wording in this essay was lazy and inconsiderate.
I appreciate you pointing this out to me and sharing your experience, and I’m going to bear all of this in mind as I continue to explore these topics in the future. Thank you for being patient and kind in your explanations here!
Thank you so much!