There's an added layer to friend making as an adult during a time of housing crisis and income inequality - a lot of the friends I make move away. I also live in one of the most expensive cities in the US and I can count on one hand the friends who have stayed in the city for over a year and almost all of them are in well-paying jobs, white, and delaying or not having kids.
It's difficult to make friends at first (yes, putting yourself out there, joining hobby groups alone - those can be emotionally laborious), but it becomes more draining when you need to keep at it every season or so. I think Covid sped up this process too, with more couples leaving to the suburbs to have their Covid babies and newly-unemployed folks moving back in with their parents to get back on their feet. I share your love of meeting people and that New Friendship Energy, but during these times of change it feels like slogging back up a mountain. Thank you for this article and the reflections they caused <3
You bring up so many rich, valid points! It is no doubt more difficult to foster relationships inexpensive, transient cities, and it makes me think that it's likely equally difficult to do so in small, very homogenous communities (particularly if you don't feel you fit in with the social/ideological/economic makeup of a place).
I hear you re: slogging up a mountain. Many of these anecdotes I shared were pre-COVID, and COVID is adding a whole different, bleary layer to the attempt to connect with others. It'll be interesting to see whether the time in isolation spurs a post-COIVD round of more people willing to pursue friendships. Here's to hoping!
Thanks for writing this post. Your reflections on making friends as an adult is really uplifting. I like how instead of the “this is how you make friends as an adult” kind of trope you wrote it as “this is how I made friends” perspective. For me, I find it much harder to make friends as an adult, for a variety of reasons. But it is refreshing to read about someone else’s perspective.
I'm glad it resonated with you! I don't love the one-size-fits-all approach to those "how to life liv" type of articles, but I do think there's something to be said for reading about how things have worked (or not worked!) for others.
Can't tell you how much your first piece hit home. I, too, feel like I'm living in a new season of friend-making. This season is particularly idiomatic because this time I am genuinely proud of (if not in love with) the person I am today. Therefore, the connections I'm making with these new humans are deeper and truer to the kind of relationships my adult self wants and needs. These relationships feel different because I am different.
All of this to say, I'm so glad our paths have crossed when they did. Timing truly is everything. Can't wait to join your book club of fiercely brilliant ladies next month and to cultivate this new friendship further <3
There's an added layer to friend making as an adult during a time of housing crisis and income inequality - a lot of the friends I make move away. I also live in one of the most expensive cities in the US and I can count on one hand the friends who have stayed in the city for over a year and almost all of them are in well-paying jobs, white, and delaying or not having kids.
It's difficult to make friends at first (yes, putting yourself out there, joining hobby groups alone - those can be emotionally laborious), but it becomes more draining when you need to keep at it every season or so. I think Covid sped up this process too, with more couples leaving to the suburbs to have their Covid babies and newly-unemployed folks moving back in with their parents to get back on their feet. I share your love of meeting people and that New Friendship Energy, but during these times of change it feels like slogging back up a mountain. Thank you for this article and the reflections they caused <3
You bring up so many rich, valid points! It is no doubt more difficult to foster relationships inexpensive, transient cities, and it makes me think that it's likely equally difficult to do so in small, very homogenous communities (particularly if you don't feel you fit in with the social/ideological/economic makeup of a place).
I hear you re: slogging up a mountain. Many of these anecdotes I shared were pre-COVID, and COVID is adding a whole different, bleary layer to the attempt to connect with others. It'll be interesting to see whether the time in isolation spurs a post-COIVD round of more people willing to pursue friendships. Here's to hoping!
Thanks for writing this post. Your reflections on making friends as an adult is really uplifting. I like how instead of the “this is how you make friends as an adult” kind of trope you wrote it as “this is how I made friends” perspective. For me, I find it much harder to make friends as an adult, for a variety of reasons. But it is refreshing to read about someone else’s perspective.
I'm glad it resonated with you! I don't love the one-size-fits-all approach to those "how to life liv" type of articles, but I do think there's something to be said for reading about how things have worked (or not worked!) for others.
OMG I am crying.
Can't tell you how much your first piece hit home. I, too, feel like I'm living in a new season of friend-making. This season is particularly idiomatic because this time I am genuinely proud of (if not in love with) the person I am today. Therefore, the connections I'm making with these new humans are deeper and truer to the kind of relationships my adult self wants and needs. These relationships feel different because I am different.
All of this to say, I'm so glad our paths have crossed when they did. Timing truly is everything. Can't wait to join your book club of fiercely brilliant ladies next month and to cultivate this new friendship further <3
You were one of those people I was thinking of in this new season of Friendship. So happy to have met you!