I, too, pride myself on my ability to parse through things and rehome them with scary efficiency. My mom is the exact opposite. She holds onto a lot of her parents' stuff who have long passed away. I helped her move to a new apartment over the weekend and there were so many things I tried to toss that she wouldn't allow me to. It becomes a point of tension between us because I don't understand her sentimental attachments and she doesn't understand mine. All the memories I want to keep, I keep in 1 box. She keeps dozens of boxes. For her, the memories are tangible. For me, they exist elsewhere — in the nether or the clouds I'm not sure which.
When I remove things from my life, I feel refreshed because they are only things after all. She takes it personally, that I'm removing memories of loved ones or happy moments in my childhood. All I see when looking at the items though is simply clutter. If anything, I feel a little sad that all of these objects are without use. They could be helping someone or in a home where they can be displayed proudly.
I might show her this newsletter because you managed to put into words what I could not this past weekend. Thank you for this.
I have a memory box, too! It used to hold more, but different from your approach, every few years I throw something out. Things that have lost their specialness that only used to mean something to a younger version of me that the current version of me no longer remembers. I loved your line "Shadows of inside jokes that I am no longer in on." I'm also reminded of this Chuck Palahniuk quote: “The things you own end up owning you.”
And thanks for sharing the article about sex! There is so much unnecessary pressure around sex and like you said, reading openly about it feels so...idk, unifying. We're not alone in these weird and vulnerable and normal feelings. Loved it.
Memory box, like Rory's boyfriend shoebox in Gilmore Girls! Love it. I recently had a box of mine lost in my move and I didn't even realize the AirPods, jewelry, or books that I was missing until a few weeks out. What I realized first and foremost was missing was a wallet picture of my mom and dad. While I also over the years have become more of a minimalist and less attached to 'stuff' with each move, the irreplaceable items like invoke specific memories (like a snow globe from my bat mitzvah or a card from my grandma) are cut from a diff cloth and will come with me through each move.
Also - thank you for sharing the 1st article -- the more public questioning + articles like this that are written continue to bring light to the hidden, painful and often shameful sexual experiences that are so common among many of us. And can help individuals who thought they suffered alone, begin to feel less alienated and in many cases educate themselves on how to achieve relief.
I don't like to have a lot of possessions because I move a lot. But my late husband was a collector. It took me a year to go through his things (5,000 books and papers mostly) and find the right place for them. It lifted a weight off of me to not have all that to move but was also bittersweet as I went through all the odd things he collected. There is something to be said for collecting ephemeral from a certain time in history - but it needs to be in a museum or library, not my house :-).
The only Stuff I Have saved is my cards and letters
My children know how much they mean to me and they all write such beautiful things
I sometimes take them out along with a tissue box and read them
They are precious to me. Mote than jewelry or clothing. I am so blessed
I, too, pride myself on my ability to parse through things and rehome them with scary efficiency. My mom is the exact opposite. She holds onto a lot of her parents' stuff who have long passed away. I helped her move to a new apartment over the weekend and there were so many things I tried to toss that she wouldn't allow me to. It becomes a point of tension between us because I don't understand her sentimental attachments and she doesn't understand mine. All the memories I want to keep, I keep in 1 box. She keeps dozens of boxes. For her, the memories are tangible. For me, they exist elsewhere — in the nether or the clouds I'm not sure which.
When I remove things from my life, I feel refreshed because they are only things after all. She takes it personally, that I'm removing memories of loved ones or happy moments in my childhood. All I see when looking at the items though is simply clutter. If anything, I feel a little sad that all of these objects are without use. They could be helping someone or in a home where they can be displayed proudly.
I might show her this newsletter because you managed to put into words what I could not this past weekend. Thank you for this.
I have a memory box, too! It used to hold more, but different from your approach, every few years I throw something out. Things that have lost their specialness that only used to mean something to a younger version of me that the current version of me no longer remembers. I loved your line "Shadows of inside jokes that I am no longer in on." I'm also reminded of this Chuck Palahniuk quote: “The things you own end up owning you.”
And thanks for sharing the article about sex! There is so much unnecessary pressure around sex and like you said, reading openly about it feels so...idk, unifying. We're not alone in these weird and vulnerable and normal feelings. Loved it.
Memory box, like Rory's boyfriend shoebox in Gilmore Girls! Love it. I recently had a box of mine lost in my move and I didn't even realize the AirPods, jewelry, or books that I was missing until a few weeks out. What I realized first and foremost was missing was a wallet picture of my mom and dad. While I also over the years have become more of a minimalist and less attached to 'stuff' with each move, the irreplaceable items like invoke specific memories (like a snow globe from my bat mitzvah or a card from my grandma) are cut from a diff cloth and will come with me through each move.
Also - thank you for sharing the 1st article -- the more public questioning + articles like this that are written continue to bring light to the hidden, painful and often shameful sexual experiences that are so common among many of us. And can help individuals who thought they suffered alone, begin to feel less alienated and in many cases educate themselves on how to achieve relief.
Your opening note reminded me of the memory documentary on Netflix...VO by Emma Stone. https://www.netflix.com/title/81098586
I don't like to have a lot of possessions because I move a lot. But my late husband was a collector. It took me a year to go through his things (5,000 books and papers mostly) and find the right place for them. It lifted a weight off of me to not have all that to move but was also bittersweet as I went through all the odd things he collected. There is something to be said for collecting ephemeral from a certain time in history - but it needs to be in a museum or library, not my house :-).