I have often mindlessly wandered about how people will react to my death. I want to see myself from a distance, from the eyes of all these people I have shared a life with. It is an eccentric thought, but I was reminded of it by your piece. Today's letter was flowly and also felt personal on so many levels. When I revisit my relationship with the exes, I too see splintered version of myself. It is quite odd but I was a different version with each. Probably because I was ass-kissing them to idolize me, adore me, keep me and behold me.
You're not alone in that line of thought — I've often thought about how people might react if I were to die suddenly, what they might say about me at my funeral and whether I would be proud of what I was remembered for. In a way, it almost feels like we are all silently looking to others to reveal clues about ourselves.
Annd here's to a future of not splintering ourselves for others for the sake of being adored! Or at least, of splintering ourselves less.
A while back I found myself constantly looking at my social media accounts from other people’s perspectives. Every time I dated someone or became friends with a someone new on Instagram, I would go back and stare at my OWN pictures to try and figure out what they were thinking about me... What a tragic waste of time lol
But I LOVE that we get to listen to the playlists and reminisce with you!
Oh girl...I have certainly played that mental game with myself a time or two! And every time I do (say, scrutinize my social media feed and imagine what a particular person might deduce from it), I then ask myself; has this person ever even looked at my feed, really? Have they obsessively combed through my boring shit in a way that I imagine them doing? Probably best to never find out.
I have often mindlessly wandered about how people will react to my death. I want to see myself from a distance, from the eyes of all these people I have shared a life with. It is an eccentric thought, but I was reminded of it by your piece. Today's letter was flowly and also felt personal on so many levels. When I revisit my relationship with the exes, I too see splintered version of myself. It is quite odd but I was a different version with each. Probably because I was ass-kissing them to idolize me, adore me, keep me and behold me.
You're not alone in that line of thought — I've often thought about how people might react if I were to die suddenly, what they might say about me at my funeral and whether I would be proud of what I was remembered for. In a way, it almost feels like we are all silently looking to others to reveal clues about ourselves.
Annd here's to a future of not splintering ourselves for others for the sake of being adored! Or at least, of splintering ourselves less.
A while back I found myself constantly looking at my social media accounts from other people’s perspectives. Every time I dated someone or became friends with a someone new on Instagram, I would go back and stare at my OWN pictures to try and figure out what they were thinking about me... What a tragic waste of time lol
But I LOVE that we get to listen to the playlists and reminisce with you!
Oh girl...I have certainly played that mental game with myself a time or two! And every time I do (say, scrutinize my social media feed and imagine what a particular person might deduce from it), I then ask myself; has this person ever even looked at my feed, really? Have they obsessively combed through my boring shit in a way that I imagine them doing? Probably best to never find out.
bookmarking The Feminist to read this weekend. You'll be hearing from me post-reading - sounds like a fascinating article.
Can't wait to hear what you think!