I'm a dinosaur, so these are a few hindsight sort of thoughts that may or may not help...
Your ideal partner often appears after you give up on looking.
Your ideal relationship may not involve having to live with anyone.
Maybe just someone to get together with frequently?
I don't think modern humans are wired for doing full time co-habitation gracefully.
Having kids would perhaps necessitate full time living together, an exponential increase in stress levels from more than one direction.
Is the need/want to procreate nature, nurture or both?
Having kids means surrendering 18-20 years of your life.
Best to carefully evaluate if you're up for that, including the downside that a kid may turn out to be someone you don't like or get along with, no matter how well you raised them.
Three rules/filters to evaluate or define relationships of all sorts:
No drama
No demands
No disrespect
So often we can't see the trees for the forest...as in....
You are already...
"a decently respected writer, respected enough to make a living doing it, but not so much that she'd be recognized by anyone outside of a very small, very niche circle."
The greater fame angle to that is like the ideal partner...fame often appears unexpectedly once you quit seeking it, assuming you're continuing to do the work of writing.
On all the other things you mention? They're just a question of clearing out time to do them. They're mostly sitting there ready to go whenever you are.
As a lifetime student, your curiosity, combined with your evident empathy, will usually ensure a decent outcome.
The curious and empathetic are always the real problem solvers.
I'm a dinosaur, so these are a few hindsight sort of thoughts that may or may not help...
Your ideal partner often appears after you give up on looking.
Your ideal relationship may not involve having to live with anyone.
Maybe just someone to get together with frequently?
I don't think modern humans are wired for doing full time co-habitation gracefully.
Having kids would perhaps necessitate full time living together, an exponential increase in stress levels from more than one direction.
Is the need/want to procreate nature, nurture or both?
Having kids means surrendering 18-20 years of your life.
Best to carefully evaluate if you're up for that, including the downside that a kid may turn out to be someone you don't like or get along with, no matter how well you raised them.
Three rules/filters to evaluate or define relationships of all sorts:
No drama
No demands
No disrespect
So often we can't see the trees for the forest...as in....
You are already...
"a decently respected writer, respected enough to make a living doing it, but not so much that she'd be recognized by anyone outside of a very small, very niche circle."
The greater fame angle to that is like the ideal partner...fame often appears unexpectedly once you quit seeking it, assuming you're continuing to do the work of writing.
On all the other things you mention? They're just a question of clearing out time to do them. They're mostly sitting there ready to go whenever you are.
As a lifetime student, your curiosity, combined with your evident empathy, will usually ensure a decent outcome.
The curious and empathetic are always the real problem solvers.
Dave Bross