It's funny that I've actually thought about what type of friend I am, but I've never thought about taking breaks from those specific, unspoken roles when I'm just not up for it. It totally makes sense, and now I'll keep it in mind more often.
I’m new here and I really liked this first exposure to your life and your feelings and your writing. Whatever you’re doing, please keep it up.
As for my reactions to your green/red idea:
I really love Brazilian churrascaria, and just enjoyed some with friends a couple of days ago, so your idea resonates with me. But of course, life and people are way more complicated than eating at a restaurant, so we’re going to need not a flat disc that goes red or green, but a multi-sided object with many different sides we can turn up, as needed. A pyramid has four sides. A cube has six sides. Other objects have way more sides.
I don’t know how many sides I’d need. That’s why I favor the whole talking/listening empathic approach.
I feel bad for you, not knowing if you’re wanted in your conversations. I always know. I can sense how other people are feeling about me and about the conversation. Now that I’m old, I recognize that many young people hang on in conversation with me out of politeness: they don’t want to be the one to walk away. They wait for me to end the conversation, which I always do as soon as it begins to drag.
But in every conversation, it’s possible for me to sense how heavily engaged the other person is. I watch their body language, their facial expressions, they responsiveness to what I’m saying, whether their remarks serve to extend the conversation or cut it short, and so forth.
I have also worked on myself, nourishing myself with things I like to do, and buttressing my self-esteem with remembrances of my best moments and with efforts to strengthen whatever weaknesses I have discovered, and most particularly with learning and practicing social skills that make other people feel good around me. As a result, I do not have any imposter syndrome. I’m worthy, and therefore I’m worthy of interacting with other people.
Wow. Beautifully written, Meghan.
It's funny that I've actually thought about what type of friend I am, but I've never thought about taking breaks from those specific, unspoken roles when I'm just not up for it. It totally makes sense, and now I'll keep it in mind more often.
I’m new here and I really liked this first exposure to your life and your feelings and your writing. Whatever you’re doing, please keep it up.
As for my reactions to your green/red idea:
I really love Brazilian churrascaria, and just enjoyed some with friends a couple of days ago, so your idea resonates with me. But of course, life and people are way more complicated than eating at a restaurant, so we’re going to need not a flat disc that goes red or green, but a multi-sided object with many different sides we can turn up, as needed. A pyramid has four sides. A cube has six sides. Other objects have way more sides.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/58/b9/bc/58b9bc9b5478dd2f1287a2fe448cc7ba.jpg
I don’t know how many sides I’d need. That’s why I favor the whole talking/listening empathic approach.
I feel bad for you, not knowing if you’re wanted in your conversations. I always know. I can sense how other people are feeling about me and about the conversation. Now that I’m old, I recognize that many young people hang on in conversation with me out of politeness: they don’t want to be the one to walk away. They wait for me to end the conversation, which I always do as soon as it begins to drag.
But in every conversation, it’s possible for me to sense how heavily engaged the other person is. I watch their body language, their facial expressions, they responsiveness to what I’m saying, whether their remarks serve to extend the conversation or cut it short, and so forth.
I have also worked on myself, nourishing myself with things I like to do, and buttressing my self-esteem with remembrances of my best moments and with efforts to strengthen whatever weaknesses I have discovered, and most particularly with learning and practicing social skills that make other people feel good around me. As a result, I do not have any imposter syndrome. I’m worthy, and therefore I’m worthy of interacting with other people.
You are, too, but maybe you don’t yet know it.