Edition #54: The Land of Many Illusions
Plus, the F.I.R.E movement is a capitalist fallacy, missing the conversations we had, and a test to discover your intrinsic values
A Note From the Editor
I had a very different note planned for this week. It was light-hearted and playful, edited and ready to go — and then yesterday happened. I debated whether or not to pivot in today’s edition because you will inevitably be bombarded with a sleuth of similar-sounding opinions for the next 24-hours, and as one of my friends said when I asked her what I should do, “you ain’t CNN, honey!” But then I thought about how I felt last night after binging clips of the news I had been avoiding for most of the day and I realized there is no real choice in the matter. Of course, I’m going to talk about it. I hope you’ll be talking about it, too.
When I attended my first Black Lives Matter protest in early June of 2020, I was nervous. I’d been sitting alone in my apartment for days, my eyes glued to the ugliness that was revealing itself on my social media feeds, and I wasn’t sure what I would find when I ventured outside. Keep in mind, this was one of the first major protests in NYC after the murder of George Floyd and there was a distinct feeling that everything was dissolving into chaos. Helicopters hovered above my building day and night, giving the impression that we were living in a war zone and making it impossible to fall asleep. My company had given us a day off in mourning to “do what we needed to do,” and I decided that I needed to see for myself what was going on, to stand with a movement I believed in. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to the protest because I knew my family would be a nervous wreck if they thought I was putting myself in danger, and a small part of me didn’t want to put any of my friends in potential danger, either. So I went alone, scribbling a friend’s phone number in Sharpie on my forearm just in case.
We marched for ten miles starting at City Hall, through SoHo, over to Washington Square Park and Union Square, then all the way to the Upper East Side. Despite the rows of armed police officers marching alongside us, it was a beautiful day. A peaceful one, full of hope and love and support. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that day was the one in months where I felt a deep sense of human connection. I thought, “I am so lucky to be alive right now, and to live here”.
I’ve heard a certain sentiment expressed frequently the past few months as people flee big cities for the suburbs: it isn’t safe here anymore. Between the constant protests and calls to defund the police, there are factions of the population (mostly middle-class white people) who no longer find these cities desirable. The perceived risk of living in them isn’t worth the reward of the trendy zip code or the row of restaurants they loved to visit in the before times, so they pack up their belongings and move outward, away from the city center into the suburbs, where they have more space and get more for their money. They are now able to exhale at the end of each day; they can go to bed without hearing shouts from thier windows or sirens blaring into the night. They will probably never see a protest again, not in this new place, and the police officers here offer nothing but a friendly wave of acknowledgment, seeming to say, “Hello, welcome back. You belong here.”
When I watched the Capitol get invaded last night, I began to wonder; who are these people? Where do they live and who raised them? It’s safe to guess that most of them probably don’t live in any of the liberal-leaning major cities. They probably live amongst people like them; ones who look like them and have the same skin color as them. They might live in that pretty little house at the end of a quiet, “safe” street. They might have children of thier own, who attend the “good” school. Children who are befriending those of the people who escaped the dangers of city life in search of something more secure.
Like many folktales of the American Dream, safety is but an illusion. The safety of living in the suburbs or the country (just look at the data: school shootings touch every type of community and happen most often in majority-white schools), the safety of living among people who look like you. There are other, equally dangerous illusions we’ve placed our faith in, too. The illusion that the police are here to protect everyone in the same manner, the illusion that most people in this country aren’t racist. The illusion of normalcy: that before all of this started happening, life was normal and that eventually, things will go back to normal. The normal we knew wasn’t normal, it was willful blindness. And if yesterday’s events are any indication, that version of normal is long gone. You can’t evade something that has poisoned the bloodstream of a nation. You can’t run from it or pack your things and move away from it. You can only face it, inspect it, and inspect your role in it.
Cheers, my dears, and I hope you’re staying safe today. Below you’ll find some content that will serve as a much-needed distraction today. Do the things that make you feel good and be gentle with yourself and with others. As always, thank you for reading.
Three Pieces of Content Worth Consuming
Author Jacqueline Woodson Has Mastered The Art of The Schedule. This one may be specific to me, but reading it gave me happy giggles. Being that I will be working from home for the foreseeable future, I wanted to come into 2021 being very intentional about how I spend all the (perceived) extra time remote work grants as I felt a constant, low thrumming guilt of lapsed productivity for most of last year. This interview with author Jacqueline Woodson was exactly what I needed to hear. I loved the little tricks she’s figured out for herself, like no news until night time and a chunk of uninterrupted writing each day. Also, add this novel of hers to your 2021 reading list.
Why The F.I.R.E Movement Is An Appealing Fallacy. Have you heard of the F.I.R.E movement? It's the younger, hipper cousin to Dave Ramsey's aggressive approach to managing personal finances, but geared towards white Millenial men. The method suggests that by living ultra-frugally (saving around 50-75% of your income), you might be able to retire in your 30's and 40's. The catch? You probably need to make six figures to do it, and you need to focus on finding ways to continually increase your income while decreasing your living expenses. This whip-smart piece takes a critical look at the mass appeal of movements like F.I.R.E while poking holes in its patchy ideological framework — and pointing out the ridiculousness of it all.
There are nice-guy versions about dads in North Carolina and tech-bro versions that I am guessing involve a lot of ketamine, but they tend to share an arc: the hero’s journey out of toil that, with the right kind of self-discipline and smart choices—avoiding takeout and buying a small house instead of a big house are common tropes—can be replicated.
Pouring One Out For The Conversations We No Longer Have. This essay is worth reading if only to learn more about these two terms: Third place (a familiar, comfortable space that isn't home or work) and Weak Ties (relationships with people we don't see very often or know very well). It’s a reflection on the minuscule but important things we miss from olden times, like conversations with a barista and mindless bar chatter. Reading this made me think about the untrue notion that New Yorkers are unfriendly, as our lives require much more frequent socialization with weak ties by design. The weak ties I miss most: the crossing guard on the corner where I used to dock my Citibike in the mornings who would always compliment my outfits and Garry, the perpetually friendly courier at my old office.
Perhaps You Should…
Discover Your Intrinsic Values (A Quiz!)
Intrinsic Values are defined as something you value for its own sake and not because it leads to anything else — in short, your truest core values. Psychologists say it’s important for us to understand what our intrinsic values are so that we can spend more time cultivating a life that aligns with what is important to us, but that we are often too close to ourselves to be able to identify them on our own This handy test will help you to identify your intrinsic values and provide you with an in-depth analysis of results via email. Warning: the quiz requires a suspension of self-judgment and some deep thinking, but I highly recommend giving it a try.
**Bonus Content** (Politicians Reading Mean Tweets)
When things feel insane I like to consume content that makes me laugh, and this video of politicians reading mean Tweets about themselves made me cackle. Speaking politics, I’ve ventured back into the political hellscape that is Twitter! Find me here (mostly political rants and writing stuff).
A Quote From A Book You Should Read:
“Don't you see? This only makes more pieces. Each thing broken makes the puzzle more difficult. I urge you to cease.”
-Going After Cacciato by Tim O’Brien
This newsletter is best served with a side of conversation, so drop your opinions, reflections, and thoughts in the comments below and let’s get to talking.
Or, share the most thought-provoking piece from today’s edition with someone you love, then call them up to discuss, debate, and percolate. As a wise woman once said, “Great minds discuss ideas.”