Edition #37: God Grant Me the Confidence
Plus, the YouTubers who "rehomed" their adopted son, 1970s summer camp nostalgia, and food pyramids reimagined
A Note From the Editor
Last weekend, I met a former stranger and straight away I thought he was a pleasant, affable guy. He had a soft voice, a soothing demeanor, and a way of smiling with his eyes whenever he delivered a particularly insensitive punchline, as though the expression might soften the blow. These are all things I noticed about him straight away, but it took me a beat longer to notice something else: that he had the tendency to speak about his self-proclaimed redeeming qualities often, and without reservation.
It started naturally enough; he had a business idea he wanted to share, and as he was telling me about the idea, he said something like, “I’m really great with people and always have been.” It sounded like a fair assumption and I didn’t think much of it, but the sentiment continued on, long after that initial conversation. “When I walk into a room, I’m not afraid to go up and talk to anyone, because no one intimidates me,” or “I know I’m a winner, always have been,” or “I can read a room really well, but a lot of people can’t.” Was he selling me something, like a real-live infomercial, or a persistent ad that follows you around the internet? Was it working? Though I’d never seen these declared traits in action, on some elemental level, I was impressed.
I tried to imagine the situation in reverse: meeting someone on a weekend trip and telling them all the positive things I think about myself — that I can have a conversation with anyone about anything, that I wake up most mornings with boundless energy, that I’m a great public speaker. It felt good to realize those qualities, but even in my mind, I couldn’t imagine spewing them out unprompted. I would feel arrogant and some hidden trigger would go off in my brain, warning me to be more humble and less obnoxious. My subconscious would whisper, “shut up Meghan, nobody cares,” and it would probably be right, the same way I didn’t care to hear about the former stranger’s professed accolades. In short, the scenario felt altogether alien to me.
I’m not alone in this. Women tend to self promote less than men, and I would suspect this has been the case for as long as self-promotion has existed. It made me consider two other, slightly unrelated but relevant pieces I recently read in this realm:
This short story by Mavis Gallant, in which the white male protagonist, Wishart, re-invents his history for the sake of coming across as important and dignified, thus tricking wealthy women into befriending him and taking him on fancy vacations. This passage sums it up perfectly:
Strangers meeting him for the first time often thought he must be celebrated, and wondered why they had never heard of him before. There was no earthly reason for anyone’s having done so; he was a teacher of dramatics in a preparatory school, and once this was revealed, and the shoddiness of the school established, it required Wishart’s most hypnotic gifts, his most persuasive monologue, to maintain the effect of his person.
This piece about a 25-year-old Republican hopeful running for Congress in North Carolina. When I first started reading, I wondered how he could possibly be a real estate investor and a motivational speaker at such a ripe age, until I continued on. As it turns out, his “portfolio” consists of a single property purchased for $20k from a foreclosure auction, and his motivational speaking circuit consists of mostly unpaid gigs at local churches.
I suppose in today’s believe-whatever-you-read-without-doing-much-research digital age, you are whoever you say you are, right? And if that’s the case, maybe everyone should look to this old trope for guidance; beef up our confidence, sing our own praise at top volume, perform our perfectly succinct elevator pitches for disinterested strangers during leisurely weekend trips.
Cheers my dears, and thanks for reading. I’m dying to know what you think about this subject. Is it necessary, or terrible, to tell others about all the things you’re good at? Do you think there’s a gap between the way men present and promote themselves and the way women do? Please, spill all your wise, opinionated tea in the comments below.
P.S. if you’re new here, welcome! I hope you find something worth reading, sharing, and (most importantly!) discussing in this week’s edition. I like you already.
Three Pieces of Content Worth Consuming
The YouTubers Who ‘Rehomed’ Their Adopted Child. I'm always amazed at the corners of the internet that I am very much not a part of, and the YouTube parenting sphere is one of them. I had read a few headlines about this story a while back, but this piece goes into the gritty details. The Stauffer’s were mildly successful parenting vloggers when they decided to adopt a child with special needs from China, documenting the lengthy process on their channel and making #adoptionactivism a core tenant of their brand. The story of their journey to adopt a young boy whom they re-named Huxley (because, of course they did) allowed the Stauffer’s to gain a much larger following, their first paid sponsorships, and to acquire a newly lavish lifestyle — until Huxley proved to be “too difficult” to care for. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one.
Nostalgic Photos From a 1970s Sleep Away Camp. I never had the chance to attend a real summer camp, but Andy Sweet’s dynamic photographs from a Jewish sleepaway camp in the late nineteen-seventies feels like the next best thing. I could spend hours inspecting every multifaceted image, making up stories about each and every innocent, sexualized, dubious, pimply face I see. Though I may not have participated myself, the quintessential summer camp experience feels so codified into the American persona that I can easily imagine what those long, sunny days in Miami must’ve been like.
A Poignant Profile of Jared Kushner. I know what you’re thinking: Jared Kusher is about as appealing as a celery stick, but just trust me on this one. It reads like a riveting, somewhat predictable novel that’s impossible to put down even if you know exactly where it’s headed. When you read about Jared's Holocaust surviving grandparents and his overbearing father, his blind allegiance to Trump feels somewhat inevitable; a staying on Daddy’s good side over everything sort of destiny. One of my favorite quotes from the piece:
"He grew adept at managing their outbursts, or rather, he learned how to avoid becoming their target. For all the power Kushner has amassed, his ascent required the submission of self and the stifling of principle."
Perhaps You Should…
Watch The Lumineers Visual Album
Somehow, I initially missed the visual album that accompanied The Lumineers’ III release. I recently stumbled upon this video, which convinced me to watch the VA in its entirety, and I highly suggest you take a break from whatever you’re currently watching on Netflix to do the same. It gave me a whole different layer of perspective on the music and it also made me ugly cry.
**Bonus Content** (The Food Pyramid, Reimagined)
Remember how the old food pyramid that told us to eat 11 servings of carbs per day? TBT. Since we can no longer pretend that consuming that much bread is in any way acceptable, cartoonist extraordinaire Liana Finck took a stab at creating variations of a modern-day food pyramid, and they are utterly delightful.
A Quote From A Book You Should Read:
“What made a person good also made a person bad. Confidence could easily become arrogance. A sense of humor was only ever a few rungs away from cruelty.”
-The Futures by Anna Pitoniak
This newsletter is best served with a side of conversation, so drop your opinions, reflections, and thoughts in the comments below and let’s get to talking.
Or, share the most thought-provoking piece from today’s edition with someone you love, then call them up to discuss, debate, and percolate. As a wise woman once said, “Great minds discuss ideas.”
The 1970s summer camp article has some serious style inspo! Also, what a great book quote to end with - so on theme for this week. Added it to my TBR list. Thanks for the rec!
Yes, men constantly self promote in the workplace while women react to compliments by diminishing their talents and by throwing the credit at circumstances or others who helped them along the way. It isn’t healthy for their psyche and it reduces the frequency of promotions, raises, and compensation. I encourage all women to accept your greatness, toot your horn and save your humility for more sincere relationships that are outside the workplace.