Edition #35: We Could All Use a Good Cry
Plus. an important defense of Kanye West, what kids think their parents do for work, and a super short story
A Note From the Editor
I was living in Arizona for work a few years back and it was a bleak time in my life. My demanding job left very little space for anything else, and as such, I only had a scant handful of acquaintances to speak of (for reference, my mother met more people during her week-long visit than I’d met after in six months). One of my closest friends decided to come stay with me for a month or two after a weekend visit, and it was a win-win: I would be rescued from my loneliness, and he would have a little vacation of sorts.
One evening early into this arrangement, we sat on my back patio and drank several bottles of wine, our skin and lungs finally relieved from the relentless desert heat. Maybe it was being in the company of someone other than myself, or maybe it was a manifestation of gloom that had been looming in the back of my mind since I’d taken the job in Arizona, but I suggested we play a game. “Play the saddest song you can think of, one that always makes you cry, and then I’ll play one.” I’m not sure how long we sat out there, how many sad songs we listened to or how many memories we recirculated, coloring our musical choices with context from our past, but we shed enough tears that night to fill a small beach pail (or to make the neighbors wonder who died). And it felt really, really good.
I’ve always been a crier. I cry after reading a beautifully written passage in a novel, or when I witness a tender moment between strangers, or sometimes, when I’m on the receiving end of a thoughtful compliment — but I know plenty of people who aren’t. Those who proudly proclaim they haven’t cried in years, or worse, those who simply cannot get themselves to cry, even on the back end of a personal tragedy. I always wonder about those people, the non-criers. What are they holding in, and why? I imagine every human has a reserve of tears sloshing around just below the surface, waiting to be released. If held in, they will eventually cause erosion, a crucial disfiguration of something we cannot see.
We give certain people permission to cry freely (babies, toddlers, teenage girls), while others can cry quietly, in the bathroom at work or walking down the street, so long as they don’t openly acknowledge the fact that they’re crying (women), but we rarely give men that same permission. I distinctly remember the first time I saw my father cry. I was only a child myself, and up until that point I’d presumed boys who cried were babies, weak and unappealing. But something shifted in me that day. Seeing this tough man shed a tear, then another, then another, made me feel deeply connected to him for the first time in my life. I realized he was just like me, a regular person with feelings.
When I saw this touching op-doc about the “tears teacher” on a mission to normalize crying in Japan, I cried — and then I thought that maybe he’s on to something. We all need a good cry, especially now, and we should never have to feel bad about the act of crying, no matter our age, gender, or color. I’ll leave you with three things that are guaranteed to make me cry every time:
This song (And a bonus, this comment I just read on the music video: “My husband passed away last year. We would dance to this. Now that he is gone, I can still feel his arms around me as I dance alone in my living room where we once danced together. What a life we shared. His birthday would have been July 6th.”)
Cheers, my dears. Be it today, tomorrow, or next week, I sincerely hope you get a good cry in. I love you and appreciate you immensely. If you’re up for it, I’d love to hear about the things that make you cry in the comments below.
Three Pieces of Content Worth Consuming
Women Can Have Power, But Only a Little. The potential of Donald Trump out of the White House come November is enough to make me do somersaults on its own accord, and the fact that a woman will be serving as the VP in the scenario of Trump’s defeat is a nice consolation prize — but it is just that, a consolation prize. This piece serves as an important reminder of how America views women; worthy of power so long as it is yielding to a more powerful man, under the condition that the woman is “nice” and “likable,” not overly confident or assertive.
An Important Defense of Kanye West. While there’s no denying that he has made some grave mistakes over the past few years, every time I read another headline in the vein of “lets all point and laugh at crazy Kanye,” I cringe. If you've ever known someone with bipolar disorder, Wests' behavior might not seem all that strange — in fact, it would seem entirely familiar, and you’d know that a person suffering from the disease is nearly impossible to contain, no matter what resources they have at their disposal. Read this piece and challenge the oversimplified perspective, because despite his transgressions, and despite the fact that he is rich and famous, Kanye West is still mentally ill. We seem to be turning a corner of tolerance and understanding towards mental health on the macro level, but when the media paints a clownish caricature of a person suffering and we all laugh along, without giving any real weight to the condition at hand, I begin to doubt our progress.
Kids Perspectives on What Their Parents Do For Work. This one’s from earlier in the summer, but I revisited it this week and got a great laugh. As families have been forced into closer quarters as a result of COVID, our homes have morphed into multi-purpose spaces, often serving as a school, an office, a gym, and a living space all in one. For the first time, children have gotten a closer look at what their parents do for work all day — and hearing their perspectives on our “jobs” is humbling, and endlessly entertaining.
Perhaps You Should…
Give Flash Fiction a Try
Just trust me on this one, a super short story that’ll take you under four minutes to read, but that packs a powerful punch. Etgar Kent is one of the greatest writers of our time (I especially loved this book), and this story made me marvel at what a talented author can do with so few words.
**Bonus Content** (To Make You Laugh)
Comedy is one of the most impressive, indispensable art forms, and that’s exactly what came to mind after I watched this hilarious clip from the talented John Mulaney. It’s creative, strangely accurate, and guaranteed to make you laugh.
A Quote From A Book You Should Read:
“Sometimes there’s nothing better on earth than someone asking you a question.”
-Three Women by Lisa Taddeo
This newsletter is best served with a side of conversation, so drop your opinions, reflections, and thoughts in the comments below and let’s get to talking.
Or, share the most thought-provoking piece from today’s edition with someone you love, then call them up to discuss, debate, and percolate. As a wise woman once said, “Great minds discuss ideas.”
Yesterday I was sitting in Grand Army Plqza at sunset- kids were playing in the fountain, a couple was kissing beside the statues, I was reading a very sad book (you know the one). I had to pack up and go home because I started to cry.
Perhaps it was the main character’s turmoil in my book, or the fact that even when New York is so beautiful and vibrant it still feels like the ghost of itself- but it was an overwhelming moment. Your essay makes me think that maybe I should have let myself be the girl who sits in the park and openly cries for no tangible reason. Instead of rushing home to do it in private. After all, I think New York has seen worse.
Thanks always for the brilliant perspective, and I appreciate you following up the crying discussion with a good laugh with John Mulaney at the end. Tis the balance we need.
P.s. Love You Forever gets me EVERY TIME.
Omg, Meghan. That short story link you shared was....such a good one, wow.