Edition #168: South Africa, in Summary
Roses and thorns, plus what I read/bought/watched/ate/learned.
A Note From the Editor
Some trips have a romantic origin story, like staying at the Park Hyatt in Tokyo because you've always loved Lost in Translation, and others do not. My trip to South Africa falls under the ladder. I came here because I woke up one morning and thought, “I should go to South Africa.” I had already planned to spend the first half of this year traveling and was floating around a handful of possible destinations, but this was not one of them. South Africa came to me out of nowhere and with such startling clarity that I didn’t question it.
After the longest travel day of my life, I arrived in South Africa delirious and unsure of what to expect. On the midnight Uber ride to my Airbnb that first night, my driver warned me of all the horrors I might experience while visiting. Don’t walk anywhere alone, he said, especially not at night. Stay away from these neighborhoods, always have a buddy, be vigilant, if you’re driving, don’t pull over for anyone. I might not even want to trust Uber drivers, he said, so he would give me his number in case I needed a lift sometime. The ride to my Airbnb was about 30 minutes long, and as we passed the sprawl of the city, I got the sense of being someplace like Los Angeles. Big, glittering, spread out. My heart sank; this wasn’t what I wanted. And now, thanks to my well-meaning Uber driver, I was on edge.
The edge followed me around those first few weeks. I was painfully aware of my unfamiliarity with the place, certain everyone I passed could smell the masked fear. Every time I wanted to leave the house—to get groceries, to check out a co-working space, to explore—I had to talk myself into it. I wasn’t accustomed to feeling so uneasy, and I decided I didn’t really like the city. Luckily, I only had three weeks until I would meet one of my very best friends from home and together, we would embark on a more typical tourist journey. I could do three weeks.
Naturally, nothing went according to plan, and I found myself alone and unmotivated to socialize, wondering what the hell I was doing here. Traveling this way was a deliberate choice I had made, one I had enjoyed in the past. Living a regular life someplace else, staying for at least a month. Less tourist hitting all the hot spots and more immersion, getting the know the nuances of a place the way you get to know someone; slowly. Except this time I wasn’t convinced I had made the right move.
And now, looking back on all this the day I depart from South Africa, I can say that I’m glad everything happened exactly as it did. It wasn’t all long lunches and golden hour, but then it wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting if everything had been perfect. As is turns out, South Africa is a pretty incredible place.
Roses + Thorns
I can’t split these two sections up because so many of them are directly interwoven
Thorn: Choosing the wrong location for the first month of the trip. After some light Googling I chose a private garden apartment attached to a beautiful villa in Camps Bay. Pretty? Yes, but not walkable. I felt like a trapped princess in my ivory tower for the first three weeks, and I hated having to Uber everywhere I wanted to go.
Rose: Being supported from halfway across the world. A good handful of people close to me got tearful voice notes, downtrodden texts, and near-hysterical calls during the early weeks of my trip. I was surprised to discover how deeply loved I felt from so far away, how my friends and family constantly checked in on me and always answered when I called. Their consistency was grounding, it helped me ward off despair.
Thorn: Finding out my sweet friend wasn’t going to be able to make the trip. It was a movie moment; I was doing a wine tasting at a local shop because I just wanted some human contact. Just as I finished telling the sommelier the day-by-day breakdown of the incredible trip I had planned with my best friend, my phone pinged with the news that she couldn’t make it. I hadn’t realized how deeply I had been relying on that time with a friend, that slice of home, until I discovered I wouldn’t get it. Suddenly, my remaining weeks and weeks and weeks left in Africa felt like an eternity.
Rose: Seeing leopards mate on my first safari and learning about how it all goes down. When the lady leopard wants to mate, she’ll stalk the male until he does his thing, which lasts about 6 seconds. She continues to stalk him for 24 hours and at first they mate every 5 minutes, then every 10, then every 15, and so on. Another rose on my safari trip: seeing the glow of the Milky Way with a gentle gin and tonic buzz.
Thorn that is also a Rose: Between the first part of the trip, the unexpected change of plans, and the realization that I still had 6 weeks to kill before my gorilla trek, I hit an intense emotional rock bottom—so I did what I’d been thinking of doing for months; scheduled an intuitive counseling session with my medium. My sessions with her have brought to the surface some long standing tendencies I want to face as I enter the next chapter of my life, and I wouldn’t have gotten to that low point unless I was over here, alone for a prolonged period of time with so few distractions.
And some more roses: My daily interactions with the cheerful receptionist at the co-working space, taking hip hop class and remembering I’m a good dancer, developing a friendship with an intelligent, beautiful man who never once tried to kiss me, going on an impromptu 25 mile overnight hike with a group of strangers, daily walks looking at the ocean and sipping the best oat milk cortado I’ve had to date, playing paintball for the first time with a bunch of South Africans and, later, getting to witness South African democracy in action on voting day, meeting a couple in their 70’s named Wayne and Melody who travel the world together and tearing up when I had to say goodbye to them, seeing a bunch of penguins waddling around the beach and imagining which ones of them were married, cuddling with the resident cat during sunset at a beautiful boutique hotel that hosted for me two nights, eating a room service burger in bed and binging a full mini series at said hotel.
Buds
Some things I’m looking forward to
Gorillas (IYKYK)
Precious time with my friends in New York and my family in Florida, all of whom I’ve thought of so much in the past few months. Skating around Brooklyn, learning how to shoot on a DSLR, eating dumplings, going to book club, taking my nephews down the slide at a water park, laying around the house and watching movies with them, evening tea time with my sister, treating my mom and little sister to a staycation.
Finishing my debut short film! Finally working with a super talented composer to score the film, learning how that process works, and feeling creatively energized again.
Starting to consider where I want to settle for a full year-long stretch, something I haven’t done since 2019! A little scary but also very exciting.
What I Read
Land of Milk and Honey by C. Pam Zhang | Started it on the plane ride over, a dystopian page-turner about food, pleasure, the climate crises, and the ultra-rich. Dark and verbose, felt like it was made to be a movie.
Blessings by Chukwuebuka Ibeh | Randomly picked this up at a local bookstore and so glad I did. A beautiful, heartbreaking story about sexuality, shame, and the bond between a mother and son. This book created a level of empathy within me that felt holy.
Disturbance by Dawn Garisch | I picked up this poetry collection with the aforementioned book. I liked a lot of these poems and even more one-off lines, which centered around the experience of aging as a woman in relative solitude. Sad, poignant, wise.
The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle | The first spiritual, self-help type of book I’ve read in years. It found its way to me (by way of an old edition of
’s newsletter) at a perfect time. I’m reading it slowly each morning and I can already tell it is going to rewrite my operating method.Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton | This book is so well-written it almost pisses me off! Catton is so, so smart. The way she embodies the inner worlds of these characters to call out the absurdity of so many different modern-day archetypes—the cunning billionaire, the self-aggrandizing anarchist, the woke intellectual—and the way she paces this thing! Utterly brilliant. I also just like her.
What I Watched
Anatomy of a Fall | Saw this on the plane ride over. A quiet movie that uses what you don’t see as a strong creative device. The lead actress’s performance is stellar.
Killers of the Flower Moon | Finally watched this in three sittings and I liked it, especially the ending scene.
Civil War | I watched this at a little arthouse theatre in Cape Town where popcorn butter comes in powdered form. It was strange to be an American watching this in a foreign country, and I felt envious of those moviegoers for whom the narrative was only entertainment and not a feasible possibility for the future. A clever movie not-so-subtly attempting to defend the position of traditional media, which I can appreciate.
Palm Royale | Limited series with wonderful styling and absurdist tendencies.
Baby Reindeer | I did not expect this show to hit me so hard. It was uncomfortable from the start, but halfway through it escalated to an unexpected point (not at all depicted in the trailer, by the way) that sat heavily with me. Leaves you with a lot to think about.
What I Bought
They say to figure out what you value, you should audit how to spend your two most valuable assets: your time and your money.
A black, knitted, square neck crop top from a vendor at my favorite farmers market
Chunky gold hoops and small gold triangular huggies from a random store in a mall
A nude silk slip skirt from an outdoor vintage market
A pale pink robe and wrap skirt sewn by my South African friend, the first time I’ve had clothing someone made just for me! Both pieces are going to be perfect to wear over swimsuits in Costa Rica.
A cool leather wallet made by a local 90-year-old man
Lots of world coffees, AKA coffees you purchase out in the wild
Pack of 10 pilates reformer and chair classes, PSA: chair is harder, and better, than reformer.
Fractal laser treatment on my face. My skin is currently scaly and flaking off, but I expect to be a glowy orb soon.
An at-home massage, necessary after my two-day hike. It was good, but no one holds a candle to JJ, my soul-sister masseuse in NYC.
A few clear-coat manicures, which have helped my nails grow to a beautiful length they’ve never been before, and a no-paint pedicure.
Good Things I Ate
A theatrical dinner at La Petit Colombe. The experience begins with being seated in a lounge area, where you order a cocktail and are served a few ornate snacks. The bread course was fun and well presented, and at the end you get to choose a few treats to take home in a cute pink bag from the roving sweets trolley.
Not enough bread The most perfect, lemony ice cream at Unframed.
A really good prepackaged Greek salad from Woolworths. I will be dreaming about South African feta for a long time.
Biltong, biltong, biltong. So much of it. The sexier, tastier cousin of beef jerky.
Endless treats at various local farm stands during my Garden Route road trip—including a pepper steak pie, a mini milk tart, roobios spiced apple juice, koesisters (a local donut), and a slice of carrot cake sprinkled with edible gold glitter from a hippy coffee shop, which was the only place I saw a barefoot person in public during my whole 2.5 months here.
Too much steak, because the worst cut at the grocery store here is far better than most premium cut of steak from Whole Foods.
Lots of fresh figs. When they went out of season, I swapped figs for Zamli dates dipped in macadamia nut butter. Yum.
Some Life Learnings
You’re allowed to change your mind, though there is power to be found in making a decision and sticking to it.
It takes time to get to know people. Those people who aren’t immediately trying to integrate you into their life, or be instantly immersed in yours, are the healthiest people.
Plans will keep changing. Don’t take it as a personal affront to every choice you’ve ever made; resist the urge to narrativize it. Take a deep breath and pivot.
Tune into those little pings your intuition gives you, especially when they are pings of hesitation. Don’t overthink it, just listen to it and respond accordingly. You know more than you think you know.
When you need help, call for backup.
Being present is the only way to get the most out of your daily experiences. Know when you’re stuck in your mind and learn how to shut it off.
No matter how happy you are, how sad, how in awe, how restless, time passes. Find peace in that.
Cheers, my dears, and as always thank you for reading. Later today, I will board a plane and take a red eye to Uganda. There is a lot of the agenda for this trip, but the main event is trekking the wild mountain gorillas in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest. I’ve been dreaming of seeing these gorillas since I first learned about them in elementary school. There are only about 800 left in the wild.
Whenever I was bored at my job at the children’s museum freshman year of college, I would read the itineraries of these gorilla trekking trips and my heart would start to pound. It sounded like heaven; I spent so many hours imagining myself taking a trip like this one day. It's wild to think it's actually happening for real, though somewhere inside I always knew it would. Next time you hesr from me, I’ll be back state side. Weird!
Until then, enjoy your weekend. Watch Chimp Empire on Netflix, research your dream trip until your heart starts to pound, get a world coffee and sip it on a quiet morning walk. Wish me luck!
**Bonus Content** (Funny Little Girls)
I love The Look Book photo series, and this version at NYC’s American Girl Doll store, was delightful. I laughed so hard at Piper’s answers.
Also, having a hard time swallowing this and curios to hear your thoughts, I’ve been playing this song on repeat for the past few days and can’t decide whether original version is better, and this is me.
A Quote From A Book You Should Read:
“Wondering, not for the first time, when exactly she had become so technologically dependent that her first instinct in every unpredicted circumstance was to outsource her imagination to her phone.”
-Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton